Levi's Unbuttoned: Vote fer me cuz i'm poor and hot.

Expensive Underwear.

What the FUCK is the point? Why would you pay $32 for a pair of Polo boxers when your pussy is gonna smell just as bad at the end of the day as if you wore a pair of Hanes at 3 for $7? Who the hell really cares what brand is on your draws? Any bitch that's payin attention to your boxers when she's about to fuck you, probably doesn't really wanna fuck you. Maybe some of you guys are lacking. Maybe you have to pay $40 for underwear. I don't have to pay $40 for underwear because any bitch who's lucky enough to see them is likely trying to rip them off of me. Ok maybe I'll bullshittin a little cuz I do haev these random underwear pics on here, but. I don't need somethin that costs $30 to cover my ass. I wear Hanes. Nothing less, and nothing more. Ok maybe Fruit of the Loom, but I prefer Hanes.

Making my spot all KraziSexciKewl.

If anyone has any help on making my blogspot look super awesome, list a site or five. Cuz I needs to get this shit poppin.

Yeah...that's it...Poppin.

Happy Hands.

Why do straight women assume that just because you like women, it's okay for them to fondle you? I don't go around touching random men because I assume they're straight and want my hands all in their pockets and shit. Do you go around touching random men that you just met? Don't touch a lesbian/queer/gay girl and assume she won't knock you the hell out for getting in her personal space. BitchionEEEENMUCHknowyoulikedat.

Quadrilateral I was, now i warp like a smile.

So my friend Deej spent like an hour just now eReading me my chart. And. That shit was amazing. Because I know I'll lose it forever in cyberspace once I sign out, I'll put the highlights in this here blog. (Why do i feel like this needs to be a powerpoint presentation?) En-Tee-Waze.

Tuesday. December 10, 1983. St. Louis, MO. 5.23 pm. A tiny baby Amber squeezed her way....actually. A tiny baby Amber Caesarianed her way out of her mother feet first. And then there was some sort of ceremonial breaking of the mold. I don't remember all the details. But. Here's some stuff:

- Sun: Sagittarius (inner personality)
- Moon: Pisces (emotion)
- Rising: Gemini (outward)

I apparently have a shitload of fire and water in my chart. (FIREWATAH!!!)

My Gemini rising makes me look crazy and offputting to other people. My Sag makes me awesome and charming and makes people like me when they get past the appearance and speak to a bitch. My pisces is my pathos. I don't cry in front of nan nigga. I suck at monogamy. Actually, to show you how much I suck at monogamy, let me copy/paste a snippet. (I'm flave pierce)

cocoabmean (11/26/2008 12:06:38 AM): GOOD lord!
Flave_Pierce (11/26/2008 12:06:46 AM): WHAT? I'm scared.
cocoabmean (11/26/2008 12:07:01 AM): it' means that your are really one of a kinda
cocoabmean (11/26/2008 12:07:44 AM): as a sag, your are crazy funny (duh)
cocoabmean (11/26/2008 12:08:56 AM): you arent that monogamous, you are dominant, HELLA charming, but not so great with monogamy
Flave_Pierce (11/26/2008 12:09:04 AM): LOL!!
cocoabmean (11/26/2008 12:09:06 AM): did i mention that you suck at monogamy?

AND LATER...

cocoabmean (11/26/2008 12:36:28 AM): they really do
cocoabmean (11/26/2008 12:36:31 AM): really
cocoabmean (11/26/2008 12:36:38 AM): like seriously really
cocoabmean (11/26/2008 12:36:56 AM): you might want to study polyamory
Flave_Pierce (11/26/2008 12:36:56 AM): LOL
cocoabmean (11/26/2008 12:37:10 AM): and get you like 3 girlfriends
(More on that later.)

- Also. It's a big circle of crap right now. Sag will figure out how to do something, pisces' laziness and insecurity will freak out, and gemini will start the process over again. (So that Pisces can come shit on it each time. Bastard.)
- Pisces adds to my creativity. Musical though. Not much Visual. (Yeah. Can't draw.)
- Geminis talk a lot and don't bite their tongues. And neither do Sags. Which couldn't be truer.
- Gemini makes me look crazy but the Sag makes it look 'unique'. And if I had a dolla fa' everytime i heard thattern.
- I am also very cerebral... technical if you will when it comes to matters of communication. I explain stuff well. And I got a ton of common sense.

So. Now for my 72 virgins.
One 'needs' to be a Sag with a Scorpio rising, one a Cancer with a Leo rising and one an Aries with a Cancer rising. This is darned interesting. Lemme tell you why.

- Sag with a Scorpio rising - That ho is gonna be crazy. She's also gonna be a really good lay. And she wont bother me cuz she'll probably have two hoes off to the side herself.
- Cancer with a Leo rising - She'll 'drive me insane'. Why come, you ask. Well. She'll ALWAYS be there. She'll be clingy and emotional and wierd. And she'll cook and clean my house and kiss my booboos and be all loyal and submissive and do what I want. It is suggested that I take up using the term 'bust it baby' and keep her as such. And she's also gonna be ridiculously hot.
- Aries with a Cancer rising - She's gonna be the all around. She'll take care of me, she's gonna be hot, she's gonna be a good lay, and she's gonna stay outta my face. She's also gonna wanna be my #1, and can smell bullshit from a mile away, which is fine, cuz I can't lie worth a good goddamn anyway.

Ok I was just thoroughly amused by this detailed rundown of bitches I need to acquire for my stable that I'm apparently supposed to be having. And considering it's in the stars for me to be a big fat cheater, I'm even more impressed with my 2.5 year run.

So. That was fun. The shorthand version: I'm charming and I need a harem.

I'm gonna ask everyone to refer to me as the Sultan of Swing from now on.

Job Applications.

I decided I needed to get some fire under my ass if I wanted a job before the year is out. This is a shitty time for me to suddenly decide to look for work, but. I'm not known for my impeccable timing SO I'm gonna roll witit. I began filling out an application for Americorps on like, November 3. I just went back to it today. I'm a slacker; sue me. That bitch took about 3 hours to complete between filling out all the information for my slacker jobs (of which I've had millions), making up fake email addresses for said slacker jobs (because somehow i fail to believe that the manager of Hungry Howie's really checks his emails often, much less remembers who the hell I am 3 months after I quit.) and thinking of a 'mission statement' as to why I want to work for Americorps jobs. Three hours, eh? No wonder I don't have a job yet. I know, 'ya gotta want it!' but maybe I wouldn't be such a slob if applications were like, 10 minutes to fill out. I also applied at a Rent-A-Center in Atlanta but. Yeah I didn't get a call back from them.
I've decided that I need a new computer. I need one so that I can do awesome stuff on photoshop and build a portfolio of graphic design stuff so I can get a job. I don't have shit in the way of a portfolio right now. I'm having a hell of a time getting my head on straight.

In about two weeks, I'll be 25. My broke ass has never traveled outside the southeastern region (other than for like...family stuff.) I mean, i lived in Texas for ten years but. Other'n that, nan. I wanted to see the Northern Lights before my 25th birthday. But I decided that in like June when I was broke, lol. So now I want to see them before i'm done with 25. I'm prepared to freeze my nuts off. And I also wanna skydive, and I'm prepared to shit myself and possibly forget to open the chute until it's a little too late. I mean, I'll open it, but it'll be an 'oops' moment and I'll have like, some broken clavicle action goin on. I accept that. I want to travel. I want drinkin buddies. I want group pictures that I don't always have to take. I want Rihanna to come sing to me to 'Live Ur Life.'

And I want TI to point one of those rifles at his forehead for thinkin it was ever a good idea to sample the Numa Numa song.

shirtless.

so i'm sitting here shirtless. topless. completely. titties to the wind. on the computer reading a blog, and i scroll and there's a huge picture of a smiling BArack, and suddenly i feel very exposed.

that is all.

i still ain't put on no shirt. i got warm.

Album Review: Soul Coughing - 'Ruby Vroom'

Fun Fact about this album: The title came from one of the collaborator's daughters name, Ruby Froom. However, the drummer of the band couldn't say 'Froom' and would say 'Vroom' instead. So. Yeah.



Released in 1994, it was Soul Coughing's first album. I bought it used somewhere around 1999, right after I bought their third album 'El Oso' and fell in love with the band. This may be one of my favorite albums of all time; it's one that I'll put away and always come back to. Their sound is different; they use samples from the likes of Andrew's sisters and Raymond Scott's 'Powerhouse', more commonly recognized as the factory tunes in Warner Brothers cartoons; their guitars are clangy and metallic and they use an upright double bass, which is basically the most awesome shit ever. When I first bought it, I was 15. My favorite songs on the album were 'Bus to Beelzebub' and 'Screenwriter's Blues'. Now, almost ten years later I listen to the same album and hear songs differently than before, appreciating tracks like 'True Dreams of Wichita' and 'Janine' for their laid-back, almost melancholy temper. It's one of the few albums I own where I don't feel compelled to skip even one track on it. Their seemingly nonsensical lyrics provide an air of honesty with the way they're sung. The entire album has kept me engaged for years.

Milk was a BAD CHOICE!!!

Halloween was last night. Me and Alaska went out. We drove seperate cars; she gets sleepy earlier than I. She left about an hour later. I went into some wackass club that was packed with wackass Mobilians doing wackass dances to wackass songs like Ludacris' 'Stand Up' (really? We're still playing that in the club in 2008?) Some guy in a Vote for Pedro shirt (2008?) asked me what I was.

"A Mime with Jaundice."

"What?"

"A Mime with Jaundice." (because with a title like that, you have to capitalize the letters. Like an important journal on the effects of carbon monoxide and benzate on the hypothalamus. Or something.)

".........I still can't hear you."

"*thumbs up*"

Wack.

So i finished my extremely strong $8 drink, and after sucking the last drops of alcohol from the ice I took my lonely ass on. At least it was only $5 to get in. (Which was $10 too much, actually.)

So I was walking to my car lookin like a sad Edward Scissorhands and this man calls out 'Hey what's yoru costume?'

"A Mime with Jaundice."

"Ah." He resumes his phone conversation.

"Hey Ms. Jaundice."

I turn around. "Yes."

"Where you headed?"

"I dunno. Downtown sucks."

"Wanna grab somethin to eat? Waffle House? I mean..it's the only thing open right now."

Now, I'm not into dudes. Number one. Number Two. I don't know this man. Two point five. A bitch was hungry as fuck. But a bitch also had a bitch waitin at home for her. So. While this man wanted to take me to a fancy scattered smothered and covered dinner and I was just bored/hungry/lonely enough to oblige, I didn't. And now I regret it because I REALLY could have used 3 eggs over well and some bacon. And some Scattered Smothered Diced and Capped hashbrowns.

So I took my ass home. Not before stoppnig at Krystals and startling the lady at the window who forgot it was Halloween. I think i made her night. I even flirted with her a little bit. She was not attractive by even a newly released felon's standards.
Alaska was waiting up for me. She was scared I was going to get jumped and murdered. Because I didn't have my phone. We're gonna stick with that.

I woke up this morning with a mad case of the shits, as is normal when i decide to be stupid and drink vodka instead of sticking with my trusted whiskey. (Mama loves you, Jack.)
So after retiring to the sofa so that I could sleep in a sitting position, i woke up about three hours later. I've been pretty drunk in my life, but this. I wasn't even that drunk but I Was so dehydrated that my skin hurt. It was ridic. Anyway. Long story short, I slathered myself in lotion, which I never do because I can't stand the way lotion feels and my muscles hurt. And that's why milk was a bad choice. Which is a quote that you'll probably see me use a lot. I don't exactly know why I just wrote all of this.

I need to shave my legs.

Listening to: Ingrid Michaelson - The Hat.
^ that song breaks my heart just a little.

First One.

So i just set this up..I don't know how often I'll post in it. This may be the only time. I don't have much to say these days. Hopefully sometime soon...that'll change.