I still know the words to De Colores.

So I took this quiz almost a year ago and thought it'd be interesting to take it again.
http://www.colorquiz.com/
So. Here be results. Arrrrrgh.

Your Existing Situation
"Creative and emotional, looking for ways to further expand those qualities. Looking for a partner who enjoys the same activities. Seeking adventure and new and unusual activities."

Your Stress Sources
"Needs to feel as if she belongs and is accepted, and will stay in an unsatisfying relationship in order to fulfill that need. Feels a sense of vulnerability, which she hides from others, and feels dependant on her partner and therefore continues the relationship. she feels depressed and irritable due to her situation which then causes her to feel restless and desperately needed to escape, yet her insecurities keep her tied down. her concentration may suffer due to her current situation. "

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult."

His confidence is low but she is unable to admit that is the reason for her avoidance of conflict. Feels it is a situation out of her control and she is making the best of it.

"Insists her hopes and ideas are realistic and achievable, but needs encouragement and support. her self-centeredness can cause her to take things too personally."

Is satisfied and finds contentment through sexual activity.

"Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult."

Your Desired Objective
Lives life to the fullest. Has a high energy level and is always on the go. she is very active and her actions often lead to success.

Your Actual Problem
Feeling anxious and restless frustration toward current situation or unfulfilled emotional requirements are causing stress. she tries escaping by throwing herself into activities directed at personal success or experiencing new things.

Your Actual Problem #2
Is afraid she will be held back from obtaining the things she wants leading her to act out with a hectic intensity.

So still I realize it's an internet test, but damn, it's accurate all over again. Because once again i'm restless and anxious, but more in the 'I dunno wtf i'm doing in three months' type restless, not the 'i'm totally and utterly unsatisfied with my life' restless. Which, that too, but, the part about finding someone who likes doin the same stuff and doin weird and new things; i've found someone like that, and it makes it a little less terrible that i'm still here. It also makes it kinda sad that i'm leaving in a few months. So that part was NOT supposed to happen, but i'm not regretting for a second that it did. And yes, I still have a hard time concentrating...and i still love me some good sex. Not much has changed there. It'll probably never changed; i've never been good at concentrating; not even on my favorite things, and i've always liked sex. Well, before I was havin it i liked petting Christine.
Anyway, can I just say that i feel REALLY sexy today? Like, some days I feel cute, some days I feel dumpy as hell, but very rarely do i actually feel like, sexy. I woke up feelin good, I smell good, I look good. And I hopefully get to see my lady today for lunch, and I wanted to look nice for her. And right now i'm listening to a song that up until this second had a totally different, more somber meaning to me, but now. It is. It's the first day of spring, and my life is starting over again.

The First Days Of Spring - Noah And The Whale

Lesson #42: Never get a tattoo you saw in a tattoo shop.

So about five or six years ago I got a tattoo. I saw it in a tattoo shop, it was a rune, the meaning was nice, so I got it tatted on my wrist. Well one, the guy tatted it upside down, which, whatever. It was supposed to be some rune saying 'Odalfa', which meant 'rewards through perserverence'. Well, fast forward about 3 years, I'm in iHop, and redneck waitress looks at my tattoo and says 'Hey is that celtic or norse? lemme get a closer look. Oh it's norse!" So i'm like how the hell does this redneck woman, not a high-class broad, know what my rune is? Come to find out, white supremacists are ALL UP ON some Norse culture. I mean, it makes sense; Vikings are the original white terrorists, but. I just ain't put them thangs together. So. It doesn't bother me so much; maybe we got more in common than they/we wanna believe. Testament to the fact that we're all just human. Anyway. I get re-curious and get to lookin up this thang on the internet, and find out it's WAY fuckin cooler than I ever imagined. It's actually three runes in one:
This nigga:
Thurisaz; TH.
Meaning: Force, Giant.
Uses: Invites Strength for facing a Test, Difficulty or Powerful Enemy
Element: Fire

This dude:
Algiz; Z or X
Meaning: Protection
Uses: Invites Protection, Health & Happiness
Element: Air

And this guy:
Kenaz: C, K, or Q.
Meaning: Torch, Fire, Light
Uses: Manifests Character and Personality
Element: Fire

Like, that's ... sexy. That's very sexy, and very powerful. And yall know how I feel about power; there's a reason I'm going in to advertising eventually; I know the weaknesses of the masses and have a need to control them. Let me not tell all my secrets, boo. But yeah, I think it's fitting that i'd get this tattoo,and for the past three years i've been like 'shit I wanna get this jernt removed because the message is nice, but it damn sholl don't pertain to my life at all ever in life.' and lo, it's all firegiantrotectionpowersexy...and i'm a Fire Sign with some air shit goin on in there somewhere. You know we love Air. It hepps us grow. Anyway. It's probably bullshit, but I thought the coincidence was somethin special as fuck.

Brain Stew.

So I'm at work, and we're lookin at volunteers' applications. My coworker works with high school children who volunteer with elementary students for class credits. She starts talkin about how bad the child's spelling is, and spells out an example. Examples include 'sophomore' being spelled as 'saphmar' and 'somophr', and 'airplane pilot' spelled as 'airplain pliet'. So then they get to talkin about how he shouldn't be in public schools and how terrible the school system is, and how this child won't make a good big, and I was like 'lemme see that paper.' So like, after lookin at his paper it's obvious the kid isn't retarded; he has an undiagnosed learning disability. He may be dyslexic, or a high-functioning autistic. I'm not an expect by any means, but it was obvious not only by his egregious spelling errors but by his writing. Then I asked her if he could draw well, and she said he could draw very well. And like, i knew a couple of high-functioning autistic people whose parents caught it early enough, and they're very artistically inclined but their spelling is in the shitter. And while they were talking about how the school system is failing everyone by not teachin them how to read, (which they are, but that's a WHOLE 'nother day.) the school system bent him over in a TOTALLY different fashion because instead of noticing that his spelling was horrendous and having him tested for a learning disability that could have been corrected in elementary school, they passed him through each grade. And it's great that he wants to be a big brother because god knows we need more men to volunteer if they aren't gonna be dads that are worth a shit, but it's a miracle that he didn't get discouraged by not knowing how to spell/read and drop out like so many do. So. Just needed to put that out there because it pissed me off how they were just talkin about this guy like he was stupid and 'oh these are high school children spellin this badly!' Which, yes, sometimes they're just unable to spell, but this particular guy wasn't a case of dumbassery, but a case of undiagnosed disability, and their inability to realize that was just.....sigh.

Your Ex-Lover is Dead

So I just used my Jump to Conclusions mat to find out that my ex is dating someone else. Which, is great. She's dating this superhot chick i flirted with on this random website. What sucks about this situation is. I've been holding of emotionally because I felt it was somehow wrong to get emotional with someone else without knowing that she was okay. I didn't want her to see me out with someone and get crazy and run away like she did when she saw me out by myself. I know we're broken up for a while now, but I didn't want to hurt her anymore than I already have (through what, I dunno.) I mean, obviously she knew I was doin other people because that's why she stopped talking to me in the first place. But if she'd slowed down to listen to me for half a second she'd know that sex and emotions are two totally different things. Just because I was fuckin didn't mean I was just over her like that. So here I am with this awesome chick, wondering 'If I fall for this chick and i post pictures of our nubial bliss all over my facebook, is she gonna shit a brick?'...and she's dating people. And THAT. is what sucks. What sucks is that people are so quick to point out your shortcomings without realizing the sacrifices you make for them. What sucks is that she was my best friend, and now we don't talk. And that's fine that she took a break; it was hard for me to stop calling her, even as a friend, but I also realized it's not about me. I can be friends with my exes; she can't. Or maybe just not with me. What sucks is I've been putting myself on hold waiting for her to get 'better', when she's been better for a while. And that's not on anyone but myself, I realize that; it just sucks.

La Serena.

O the mighty uproar that is the controversy of Serena's naked body on the cover of ESPN. White folks are crazy. I think they know it, so they're gettin crazier, which is funny to watch, but we'll save that for another day. *cue RENT*
So I clicked on the article just to see what people's responses were; I was hoping to see someone talk about how it wasn't vulgar, or at least tell the others to get the fuck over it, but of course, the masses are asses and I gave them too much credick. (yes, 'credick'.) There were all kinds of 'hoochies' and 'porch monkeys' being tossed about, and I highly suspect it wasn't someone trying to take it back. So not like my response is all that great, but I signed up just to post it anyway.

"I felt strongly enough about this to sign up for an account JUST to post my opinion, not to mention counter the abhorrent and unnecessary responses that objectify black women are use slurs that aren't relevant to the topic. Let's not even address that. I don't see what the big deal is with her posing nude for a photo. True, she's naked, but it's tastefully done; she's not spreading her buttcheeks or grabbing a breast suggestively. There've been way more suggestive photoshoots with naked women, or even women who are in bikinis but don't look nearly as tasteful. Is it the publication? Is it that it's not something that ESPN usually does? Is it because she's a black woman? It's hard to say. I'm trying on all accounts to give the benefit of the doubt; that it's because it's out of ESPN's character to have women pose nude on their cover rather than it being an uproar over a naked black woman on the cover, but I somehow don't see it being quite the issue if it was Anna Kornikova posed the same way on the cover. I'm also willing to bet that had the picture been shot in black and white people would venture to call it 'art'. People should stop being so angry and so backwards and start celebrating the beauty of diversity. Wake the hell up; it's all around you."

And I mean, I'm 98% sure no one will read it. It'll probably get knocked off the first page within 2 minutes but damn really..some of those comments were unnecessary, yall.

OT: I woke up in a freezing house with cramps. God don't like ugly.

Into Thin Air.

friend: "What do you think about that kid who got lost in the weather balloon?"

me: "Fuck that kid. That nigga was missin for 2 hours and he made national news. Why the fuck was that national news? That kid shoulda been missin for 48 hours like regular kids before it made national news. Or a month like mexican kids. Or dead like black kids."

I'm ready for a new sensation.

I still wanna make a movie. I still don't have any ideas.
I wanna write a song. I don't have any emotion.
Someone called me indifferent. They've known me for a month.
Cue Ben Folds y Regina Spektor.
Not Phil Spector. This time.
Ok maybe I don't wanna write a song. I'm not a writer. I wanna make a song. I wanna do something artsy. I SIT AT A DESK FOR 8 HOURS A DAY.
Was gonna make a video for my job.
Can't find a camera.
WOE is me!
I need a saw, or a welder, or some paints or a sewing machine. Why does everything cost?
Idle hands are indeed the Devil's Playthings.
I wanted a second job.
I never found one.
I wanted it to keep from being poor.
But mainly to maintain my weed habit; let's be honest. I'm a huge fan of MaryJane. My mom knows it. Thinks it's funny. I still plan to get her to eat that brownie.
I alter my own shirts now. By hand; still need that sewin machine.
Remind me to shteal the hammer from work so I can hang my fun fabrics on my wall.
There's a lotta wants and not enough dids in this blog.
I'm gonna work on fixin that.
Quit talkin shit.