OSB...Yeasayer is comin out with an album in o'10!

So i'm listenin to some Yeasayer song that's on a playlist i downloaded, and i type it in cuz i'm all 'I ain't be done heard of dis befo'!' and it takes me to some Kanye Weast blog (i know, right?) and lo and befuckinghold; Yeasayer is releasing a new album in o'10. That is just glorious news. Tomorrow is New Years Eve. Or a day really close to it; I haven't paid attention to the date since the 23rd. Me and the lady are goin to New Orleans. It's gonna be awesome. I want me a handgrenade, even though it's gonna be 15 degrees outside. I forgot what I was gonna write. I keep wanting to write a blog and then i get here and have boring fingervomit. More like fingerdrool; fingervomit would at least be projectile so it'd be all kinds of matter comin out of them. But this...it's just drewl. One substance. Two if you've been eating pork.

Judgey as hell.

I logged on to Facebook and saw my old roommate's status: "I JusT HeARD tHe BaBY's HeArTBeaT ~ GoD iS AwEsOme" {TruLy A bLeSsInG}.

Aside from the fact that she's obviously gone retarded since we were roommates...BITCH. You are SANGLE. You are 2...3? 23 years old. You live in motherfucking Troy, Alabama. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BLESSING. Like, I don't know nan other people other than nigros who get knocked up while still livin in the dorms and not havin a real job or a husband and say 'Whoa de lawd done blessted me wif the joy ov givvin burf!' Cuz if that was me, 1) I'da BEEN got an abortion (you gotta excuse my grammar; this is surrious bidniss.) and 2) if it was too late in the term, I'd be up in a corner for three weeks straight in a dark room cryin my eyes out because how the fuck is I'm gon raise a child workin part-time at the campus booksto'? Blargh. I'm too lazy to FULLY AND COMPLETELY go into how retarded this is, and how black people (and other people too, but be damned if black people aren't ESSTRA guilty of this) bring religion in as a scapegoat for being responsible for their own actions.

In other news, my coworker steps further and further out of the closet with each passing day. I may suggest she try either the 'Lady Golfer' or the 'Rosie Out' next time she gets her hair done.

THEY SPINNIN, NIGGA! THEY SPINNIN!

i wanna write a blog.
i have nothing to talk about.
i took a spinning class last night. It was amazing. I'm now addicted. Hopefully it'll make me sexy.
Usually I'd write funny shit, except for my thoughts are consumed with wtf is i'm gon do in February. Whatever.

Year 26.

Ha, get it? Like failed abortion boyband Day 26...except...with year...Aha yes. Ahem. Not really much to write here. I don't have any money saved or any prospects for a job. I may have to move home for six months. My mom wants me to cut my dreads off. She says i won't get a job with them. People who have dreadlocks also have established resumes. Arrrg; that be where I draws the line, mate. I understand compromising some things, but i'm not compromising EVERYTHING. I already gotta take out my piercings and wear ladyclothes. Which I hate. I HATE ladyclothes. Like, Seriously hate.
I don't know what i'm doing after February. Spend another day, waiting to die. I am, however, excited about this stipend from this volunteery stint so's I can finish my degree. I got an outline of a plan. None of the details. Isn't that always how I end up operating? Blurgh. Told you this'd be about nothing.

OT: You know that white person who's dated one black person and suddenly they're the authority on everything Negro? Doesn't that irk the shit outta you?

Sprinkle Me.

Every once in a while I'll be really centered. It doesn't happen often. It's happened more in the past 9 months than it has ever in life. I can recall two instances; one was around June when I was high as hell. I didn't feel jittery or anything (and no, it had nothin to do with the weed.)and I was writing, and my handwriting was perfect. Perfect block print. Usually my handwriting is illegible and i transpose a lot of my letters not because i'm dyslexic, but because I probably think faster than I can write.
The other was last night when I was having my goodnight cigarette. I usually sway just a little when I have to stand still, no matter the occasion. I probably look insane if anyone happens to notice. But last night, there was no swaying. It was strange and new and calm and I wished I could achieve it whenever I wanted.
Anyway. I guess I'm just tired of being anxious. I'm ready to be comfortable. Or excited. Or not anxious.

....I switch like a mood ring.

Ok maybe not (...) but man. I've been havin moodswings like a motherfucker. And like, not just because i'm on the rag. But like. I can't tell whether they've always been there, or whether I'm just more aware of them lately. I've gotten all self-aware in the last six months. And like, five minutes ago I was really sad, anxious and a touch pissy, and i hate bein like that, and i'm always anxious, and i go from one to the other so quickly and i kinda can't handle it. Like, it's becoming kinda bad. Not in a 'i'm gonna snap and make peoples' lives hell' type thing, but just. Meh. I dont' know how to process it. Ew. End.

If I had a hammer.

So yesterday, I had to go interview my kids so I could match them with mentors. One little girl's answer to a certain question made me uneasy and very worried. About an hour later, I read on the news about little Shaniya Davis, who was found dead after her mother sold her to a pedophile. So my day was pretty shitty and filled with woe and worry and some other terrible W word. So I dunno whether it was that, or my period yesterday or a combination of both, but when I was driving to Wal-Mart and stopped to let a mother and her son cross the street, and they took off running...racing through the garden center laughing, I got a little teary. About as teary as I'm able to get. It was nice, after such a shitty day of missing kids and suspicious answers to 'touchy' questions, to see a healthy happy kid. And.

Sake to me.

Ok, maybe not sake, but Absinthe. Let me just begin by saying...I understand why it's illegal in 46 states. That shit ain't right. There's also a reason they sell it diluted already. So of course our dumbasses got the kind you assemble yourself cuz we wanted to do e-bombs. (light the absinthe on fire, pour the rest in some oj, put the glass w/ the fumes upside down on the counter and inhale the fumes through the skraw. Yeah there's a lotta instructions. But it's easy to do.) So yes. It's amazing. But we fucked around and poured too much in a glass, and decided instead of pouring it back in the bottle, just drink it like normal people. I think my heart stopped for a good two minutes that night. Like, it put hair on my chest Burt Reynolds style. Anyway. Me and Simone went to New Orleans and hung out, which I haven't done in a while. Did the touristy things like had HandGrenades and a beignet, then went and looked at a fuckton of museums. Then bought absinthe, and got caught peein on the side of a building by a gaggle of children. (it's a gaggle, right? Or it is some edible reference in regards to groups of children, like a pie or a stew? Bah. Damn you, Gretel.) Anyway, I gotta chill out with the drinking. I feel exhausted, and i haven't been eatin very healthy either. So. I'm gonna hit up the store probably tomorrow night and get a fuckton of veggies. I just realized I say 'fuckton' a lot. What'ever.

Noah and the Whale FTW.
Grizzly Bear FTW.

This Will Make You Love Again.

I went to a party Saturday. I knew my ex was going to be there. I knew she had a date. I didn't have a date. Well, I did. She came through at the last minute. I wanted either her or no one. We had dates. We said 2 words to each other the whole night, but it wasn't awkward. Not much.
She texts me Tuesday saying she hasn't found the picture of my mom I'd lost, but did find box of randoms and some shoes, and since i'm never on that side, where can we meet to drop them off?
She also texts that she wants to work out a schedule where I can see Roxie.
she also texts that I seem happy, she's happy,and one day it'd be nice to work toward homie status again.
I feel good.
I'm glad she's doing well; that's all I wanted. I never thought I'd get my friend back, but I never said I knew everything. I know it takes time. I'm not retarded. I'm just glad the time is here. Cuz seriously, we were epic friends, lol.

Achin for some bacon.

1) I wanna write a short story. I bought a book of short stories. I wanted to read more. I borrowed some books from a friend, but I read like, 100 pages of 3 of them before i got bored. So i found short stories and decided to get back into it with those. Good stories. So I kinda wanna write one. Not about anything in particular. Just normal people. Maybe a situation. A discussion. Just to work out my brain. May post it. Not sure. Whatev.

2) I weigh 120. Weighed myself last week. I gotta start eatin more. I ate dinner 3 times last night. Ate a whole pot of rice and beans. And a chicken patty. Finally just took my ass to bed when i got hungry again. Lately i'm either exhausted or starving. I can't wait to get home from work just so I can get comfy and read or watch tv. I can't keep feelin like this all week, nah!

"You make me feel like a woman."

So I was hangin out with my ladyfriend this weekend. She's another domme, and is the first domme i've dated in about 6 years. I was sitting on the counter. She was leaning between my legs. I leaned in and kissed her on her neck, and rubbed her hair and shoulders.
"You make me feel like a woman."
I chuckled.
"No, I'm serious."
I knew what she meant. As many women as can understand that statement, I think only another domme can identify with it. A lotta gay relationships mimic the hetero formula for relationships. If there's a domme, or a woman who's more masculine in appearance, she's usually dominant, and the femme is more submissive. I'm not necessarily talking about sexually, because sexually all bets are off (sometimes) when the lights are off; however, in everyday activities there's still a defined role each person plays. In femmes, both women share femininity equally, but when a femme and a domme are together, whether subconsciously or practiced, they tend to fall into typical gender roles. And sometimes women pattern themselves after this on purpose, but even in the ones that don't there's an expectation from femmmes for a stud/domme to be a certain way, and aside from sex, her feminine attributes go ignored. So the domme carries the heavy bags, changes the lightbulb, initiates the couch cuddle sessions and whatnot. And while I'll admit some of it's self-imposed; some feel the need to be the aggressor all the time, or be the protector, some of this behavior is indeed imposed on dommes by femmes. It's not often that we're made to feel beautiful; that we're not just fondled because we have boobs, but our waists caressed, our necks nuzzled, our hands kissed. Part of my identifying as genderqueer is because i've accepted parts of my femininity along with a certain masculine air that I think I have, and i like to be made to feel like a woman other times, not just when you're in my vagina. And i've found that with another domme, sometimes I'm the aggressor; the protector, and other times she'll pull me back in a tight embrace and kiss me on my neck, or trace my waistline, or kiss my hands. There's an equal dynamic, one that makes me understand even more why some femmes prefer only femmes. And same with a domme; there's the image of masculinity, but I think the misconception that her wearing men's clothing means she's shunning her feminine side leaves the femininity untouched, and dommes can understand and see that femininity that's there (and not just when the clothes come off). And that's what I like; that's why it's exciting being with another domme; she makes me feel sexy and beautiful; wanted, desired, secure. She doesn't expect. She just...goes in bitch and lets have. lol. Which is nice.

I still know the words to De Colores.

So I took this quiz almost a year ago and thought it'd be interesting to take it again.
http://www.colorquiz.com/
So. Here be results. Arrrrrgh.

Your Existing Situation
"Creative and emotional, looking for ways to further expand those qualities. Looking for a partner who enjoys the same activities. Seeking adventure and new and unusual activities."

Your Stress Sources
"Needs to feel as if she belongs and is accepted, and will stay in an unsatisfying relationship in order to fulfill that need. Feels a sense of vulnerability, which she hides from others, and feels dependant on her partner and therefore continues the relationship. she feels depressed and irritable due to her situation which then causes her to feel restless and desperately needed to escape, yet her insecurities keep her tied down. her concentration may suffer due to her current situation. "

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult."

His confidence is low but she is unable to admit that is the reason for her avoidance of conflict. Feels it is a situation out of her control and she is making the best of it.

"Insists her hopes and ideas are realistic and achievable, but needs encouragement and support. her self-centeredness can cause her to take things too personally."

Is satisfied and finds contentment through sexual activity.

"Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult."

Your Desired Objective
Lives life to the fullest. Has a high energy level and is always on the go. she is very active and her actions often lead to success.

Your Actual Problem
Feeling anxious and restless frustration toward current situation or unfulfilled emotional requirements are causing stress. she tries escaping by throwing herself into activities directed at personal success or experiencing new things.

Your Actual Problem #2
Is afraid she will be held back from obtaining the things she wants leading her to act out with a hectic intensity.

So still I realize it's an internet test, but damn, it's accurate all over again. Because once again i'm restless and anxious, but more in the 'I dunno wtf i'm doing in three months' type restless, not the 'i'm totally and utterly unsatisfied with my life' restless. Which, that too, but, the part about finding someone who likes doin the same stuff and doin weird and new things; i've found someone like that, and it makes it a little less terrible that i'm still here. It also makes it kinda sad that i'm leaving in a few months. So that part was NOT supposed to happen, but i'm not regretting for a second that it did. And yes, I still have a hard time concentrating...and i still love me some good sex. Not much has changed there. It'll probably never changed; i've never been good at concentrating; not even on my favorite things, and i've always liked sex. Well, before I was havin it i liked petting Christine.
Anyway, can I just say that i feel REALLY sexy today? Like, some days I feel cute, some days I feel dumpy as hell, but very rarely do i actually feel like, sexy. I woke up feelin good, I smell good, I look good. And I hopefully get to see my lady today for lunch, and I wanted to look nice for her. And right now i'm listening to a song that up until this second had a totally different, more somber meaning to me, but now. It is. It's the first day of spring, and my life is starting over again.

The First Days Of Spring - Noah And The Whale

Lesson #42: Never get a tattoo you saw in a tattoo shop.

So about five or six years ago I got a tattoo. I saw it in a tattoo shop, it was a rune, the meaning was nice, so I got it tatted on my wrist. Well one, the guy tatted it upside down, which, whatever. It was supposed to be some rune saying 'Odalfa', which meant 'rewards through perserverence'. Well, fast forward about 3 years, I'm in iHop, and redneck waitress looks at my tattoo and says 'Hey is that celtic or norse? lemme get a closer look. Oh it's norse!" So i'm like how the hell does this redneck woman, not a high-class broad, know what my rune is? Come to find out, white supremacists are ALL UP ON some Norse culture. I mean, it makes sense; Vikings are the original white terrorists, but. I just ain't put them thangs together. So. It doesn't bother me so much; maybe we got more in common than they/we wanna believe. Testament to the fact that we're all just human. Anyway. I get re-curious and get to lookin up this thang on the internet, and find out it's WAY fuckin cooler than I ever imagined. It's actually three runes in one:
This nigga:
Thurisaz; TH.
Meaning: Force, Giant.
Uses: Invites Strength for facing a Test, Difficulty or Powerful Enemy
Element: Fire

This dude:
Algiz; Z or X
Meaning: Protection
Uses: Invites Protection, Health & Happiness
Element: Air

And this guy:
Kenaz: C, K, or Q.
Meaning: Torch, Fire, Light
Uses: Manifests Character and Personality
Element: Fire

Like, that's ... sexy. That's very sexy, and very powerful. And yall know how I feel about power; there's a reason I'm going in to advertising eventually; I know the weaknesses of the masses and have a need to control them. Let me not tell all my secrets, boo. But yeah, I think it's fitting that i'd get this tattoo,and for the past three years i've been like 'shit I wanna get this jernt removed because the message is nice, but it damn sholl don't pertain to my life at all ever in life.' and lo, it's all firegiantrotectionpowersexy...and i'm a Fire Sign with some air shit goin on in there somewhere. You know we love Air. It hepps us grow. Anyway. It's probably bullshit, but I thought the coincidence was somethin special as fuck.

Brain Stew.

So I'm at work, and we're lookin at volunteers' applications. My coworker works with high school children who volunteer with elementary students for class credits. She starts talkin about how bad the child's spelling is, and spells out an example. Examples include 'sophomore' being spelled as 'saphmar' and 'somophr', and 'airplane pilot' spelled as 'airplain pliet'. So then they get to talkin about how he shouldn't be in public schools and how terrible the school system is, and how this child won't make a good big, and I was like 'lemme see that paper.' So like, after lookin at his paper it's obvious the kid isn't retarded; he has an undiagnosed learning disability. He may be dyslexic, or a high-functioning autistic. I'm not an expect by any means, but it was obvious not only by his egregious spelling errors but by his writing. Then I asked her if he could draw well, and she said he could draw very well. And like, i knew a couple of high-functioning autistic people whose parents caught it early enough, and they're very artistically inclined but their spelling is in the shitter. And while they were talking about how the school system is failing everyone by not teachin them how to read, (which they are, but that's a WHOLE 'nother day.) the school system bent him over in a TOTALLY different fashion because instead of noticing that his spelling was horrendous and having him tested for a learning disability that could have been corrected in elementary school, they passed him through each grade. And it's great that he wants to be a big brother because god knows we need more men to volunteer if they aren't gonna be dads that are worth a shit, but it's a miracle that he didn't get discouraged by not knowing how to spell/read and drop out like so many do. So. Just needed to put that out there because it pissed me off how they were just talkin about this guy like he was stupid and 'oh these are high school children spellin this badly!' Which, yes, sometimes they're just unable to spell, but this particular guy wasn't a case of dumbassery, but a case of undiagnosed disability, and their inability to realize that was just.....sigh.

Your Ex-Lover is Dead

So I just used my Jump to Conclusions mat to find out that my ex is dating someone else. Which, is great. She's dating this superhot chick i flirted with on this random website. What sucks about this situation is. I've been holding of emotionally because I felt it was somehow wrong to get emotional with someone else without knowing that she was okay. I didn't want her to see me out with someone and get crazy and run away like she did when she saw me out by myself. I know we're broken up for a while now, but I didn't want to hurt her anymore than I already have (through what, I dunno.) I mean, obviously she knew I was doin other people because that's why she stopped talking to me in the first place. But if she'd slowed down to listen to me for half a second she'd know that sex and emotions are two totally different things. Just because I was fuckin didn't mean I was just over her like that. So here I am with this awesome chick, wondering 'If I fall for this chick and i post pictures of our nubial bliss all over my facebook, is she gonna shit a brick?'...and she's dating people. And THAT. is what sucks. What sucks is that people are so quick to point out your shortcomings without realizing the sacrifices you make for them. What sucks is that she was my best friend, and now we don't talk. And that's fine that she took a break; it was hard for me to stop calling her, even as a friend, but I also realized it's not about me. I can be friends with my exes; she can't. Or maybe just not with me. What sucks is I've been putting myself on hold waiting for her to get 'better', when she's been better for a while. And that's not on anyone but myself, I realize that; it just sucks.

La Serena.

O the mighty uproar that is the controversy of Serena's naked body on the cover of ESPN. White folks are crazy. I think they know it, so they're gettin crazier, which is funny to watch, but we'll save that for another day. *cue RENT*
So I clicked on the article just to see what people's responses were; I was hoping to see someone talk about how it wasn't vulgar, or at least tell the others to get the fuck over it, but of course, the masses are asses and I gave them too much credick. (yes, 'credick'.) There were all kinds of 'hoochies' and 'porch monkeys' being tossed about, and I highly suspect it wasn't someone trying to take it back. So not like my response is all that great, but I signed up just to post it anyway.

"I felt strongly enough about this to sign up for an account JUST to post my opinion, not to mention counter the abhorrent and unnecessary responses that objectify black women are use slurs that aren't relevant to the topic. Let's not even address that. I don't see what the big deal is with her posing nude for a photo. True, she's naked, but it's tastefully done; she's not spreading her buttcheeks or grabbing a breast suggestively. There've been way more suggestive photoshoots with naked women, or even women who are in bikinis but don't look nearly as tasteful. Is it the publication? Is it that it's not something that ESPN usually does? Is it because she's a black woman? It's hard to say. I'm trying on all accounts to give the benefit of the doubt; that it's because it's out of ESPN's character to have women pose nude on their cover rather than it being an uproar over a naked black woman on the cover, but I somehow don't see it being quite the issue if it was Anna Kornikova posed the same way on the cover. I'm also willing to bet that had the picture been shot in black and white people would venture to call it 'art'. People should stop being so angry and so backwards and start celebrating the beauty of diversity. Wake the hell up; it's all around you."

And I mean, I'm 98% sure no one will read it. It'll probably get knocked off the first page within 2 minutes but damn really..some of those comments were unnecessary, yall.

OT: I woke up in a freezing house with cramps. God don't like ugly.

Into Thin Air.

friend: "What do you think about that kid who got lost in the weather balloon?"

me: "Fuck that kid. That nigga was missin for 2 hours and he made national news. Why the fuck was that national news? That kid shoulda been missin for 48 hours like regular kids before it made national news. Or a month like mexican kids. Or dead like black kids."

I'm ready for a new sensation.

I still wanna make a movie. I still don't have any ideas.
I wanna write a song. I don't have any emotion.
Someone called me indifferent. They've known me for a month.
Cue Ben Folds y Regina Spektor.
Not Phil Spector. This time.
Ok maybe I don't wanna write a song. I'm not a writer. I wanna make a song. I wanna do something artsy. I SIT AT A DESK FOR 8 HOURS A DAY.
Was gonna make a video for my job.
Can't find a camera.
WOE is me!
I need a saw, or a welder, or some paints or a sewing machine. Why does everything cost?
Idle hands are indeed the Devil's Playthings.
I wanted a second job.
I never found one.
I wanted it to keep from being poor.
But mainly to maintain my weed habit; let's be honest. I'm a huge fan of MaryJane. My mom knows it. Thinks it's funny. I still plan to get her to eat that brownie.
I alter my own shirts now. By hand; still need that sewin machine.
Remind me to shteal the hammer from work so I can hang my fun fabrics on my wall.
There's a lotta wants and not enough dids in this blog.
I'm gonna work on fixin that.
Quit talkin shit.

Let's Shake and Bake!

So it occurred to me the other day...my Vista contract is almost over. It ends in February. Which means I need to think of a plan. OH MY STARS DERE'S DAT WORD AGAIN! So I figured since this Vista thingie grants me non-competetive status for federal jobs, I may as well snatch one of them good gubmint jobs up because..we's in a recession and i'm a broke nigga. And I figured, while I'm switching jobs/careers, I may as well switch locations tooalsoaswell. So now I'm trying to compile a list of places to move that won't make me wanna kill you. Or myself. But mainly you. Because there's like, absolutely NATHIN in Mobile right now. I'm thinking of...Phoenix, (maybe?) Houston, DC, Philly (MAYBE.) Seattle...I don't really wanna live in California, I'd consider ATL but really I'll run into everyone from BTWMHS graduating class of 02 up there and they're ALL bourgeois. Like, not even raised bourgeois but moved to ATL and got bourgeois. It's easy to spot the difference. We'll get into that another day, lawd. So yes. After this month is over (because it's the month from hell and i'm SO broke right now I can't think straight) I'll start gettin the balls jigglin on where to move.

Why didn't anyone tell me I had uberbasic cable in my apt? Now I watch King of the Hill and Simpsons reruns everynight. It's pretty sweet.

If no one's heard Yeasayer...go listen to it like, now. And also, I'm really late, but I heard a tainted love extended mix that had 'where did our love go?' at the end of it and it was fucking sexy and now i'm on the hunt for it.

Here's my life. It's been fucked, but you may fuck it again.

So I found an apartment. Wait no I didn't. I thought I'd found an apartment. Fell in love with the prospect of crackheads stealing my window unit and everything. But I didn't have the money to apply for it friday. So i was like I'll apply for it Monday. And then i left my money and license and shit at home. So i called today to see how late they were open, and the shit's been rented. JESUS ON A STICK. Where the HELL am I gonna live? Like, no one's gonna rent to me. I'm nervous. I have a month. ARG! Blergh. Fuck. FUCK! Fuck. My. Life. Wha'ever. I'm bout to go look at this other apartment after i finish this food cuz i'm fucking starving. FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhkkkkk-ah.

A room with a view.

So I may have found an apartment. I talked to a shady character about subletting his apartment, and I'm supposed to go see it today. It's in a really shady complex not far from where I live now, which kinda sucks, because I wanted to be closer to work, but it's still a place. Another place I found is closer to work...about ten miles closer, actually, but it requires a ridiculously huge deposit that I just don't haev money for right now. So hopefully he can hold it til i get paid next, or I'll have to ask my dad, who's almost as broke as I am, for help on it. Which. Is lame. I'll be glad when I don't have to ask for help anymore. I'll also be glad when i can pay everyone I owe. And I mean the real people, not that cuntbag Sallie Mae and her cohort Citibank...those bastards. So that's all very good news. Still no job, but I'm workin on it. Tomorrow I'm gonan try to take a couple hours from work and go drop some apps off at...gas stations. I've tried like, a million different places, from chicken joints to hotels to mall jobs but no luck. And also a couple of gas stations. But there's gas stations I haven't harassed, so I'll attack them next. Whatever. Just about the only thing I won't do is clean a toilet or wait a table. And that's because I've waited tables before and I was really bad at it. And cleaning toilets...not like i'm sadiddy, but I'm kinda sadiddy. I'd rather struggle than have a second job that makes me wanna kill myself.
Anyway. With the apartment thing. I'm excited. But I'm also anxious. Because I'm lonely. I get lonely easily. And because I'm lonely, I harass the fuck outta my roommate. He's just gracious enough to not stomp me in the face and tell me to get the hell outta his room. Well, what the HELL am I gonna do when I get a place? Like I'm really gonna hafta keep an obscene amount of movies and weed around because otherwise I'm gonna shoot myself in the face from boredom/loneliness. It gets really intense.

This might not have anything to do with anything, but

it pisses me off when I'm trying to explain why i've done something and the other person is all 'Yeah uh huh sure!'. Like I know they're joking, but damnit I don't have to explain shit to anyone. So if i'm takin the time to explain my logic you damn well better shut yer piehole and listen to that shit.
that was a short blog. I feel like I should write more. OH!
I haven't written about my newfound love of zombies! At least, not here. Well. I found out my roommate was into zombies, and we haev forged a whole new friendship. And even through crazy munchie sessions have come up with a song and two screenplays involving zombies. One's gonna be a mexican movie about Zombie Jesus. Like, it'll be regular Jesus when he's born, but really what happens to him between the ages of 5 and 30? No one knows. Maybe he took up whittling. Maybe he got a job at Steak and Shake. Or maybe that nigga was a zombie.
There's also a brilliant film in the works about a zombie Roomba. You remember the Roomba, right?



Yeah, man. That thing's gonna eat people. It's gonna catch your toes, then devour your leg, then eat you whole! It'll be about 5 minutes of a man-eating Roomba, and then cut to about 50 minutes of zombie horrorporn. Like I said. It's a masterpiece in the works.

I'm ready to travel. And to stop being broke.

Age differences and why we should respect them.

'Age ain't nathin but ah numba.'

Yeah how many times have I heard that? And how many times have I heard it by people who are like 18? Let me tell you why age is a rather important factor and why I'll accept your friend request but I don't REALLY wanna be your pal if you're more than 3 years younger than I am.

1337 (l33tsp33k)
Older people are guilty of it too, yes, but it's always the young retards who are the worst offenders. Offenders of the overuse of the letter 'i', as in 'thiis iis Babii Retard b0o'. No, Annie. You look retarded. You can come back with 'well I graduated from high school with honors!'; IGAF. Right here, in this moment..you look retarded, and my dyslexic ass doesn' thave time to decipher what the fuck you're trying to say to me.

COLLOQUIALISMS.
That's a big fancy word for 'slang'. And not so much slang (which I dont understand, but whatever) but 'terms of endearment'. I dunno what it is about my boyish charm or my dashingly handsome face that makes 18 year olds want to call me 'sweetie', 'honey', 'sweetheart', or variations of, but it's got to stop. I'm not 5, you're not grandma; if you want any chance at a conversation you best leave the 'sweetie' to that drooling bastard of a pantywaste that is your own child. I've murdered people for less. * Older women call me sweetie and i flog them mightily as well.

COLLEGE.
So you're going to college/just finished your first year in college. That's great! But I'm 25. I don't give a damn about your education and what you're majoring in/your hardest class/your roommates/your 3.6 and Dean's list recognition. That's wonderful for you and I hope you can put it on your resume, but don't bore me with tales of resident advisors and switching from liberal arts to nursing 'because there's more of a need for it' like your ass is all that noble to begin with. Here's a tip: major in leisure studies for undergrad, then get a masters in the field you really want cuz that's what they're gonna look for. I just saved you 2 years and a shit-ton of dropped classes; you can thank me later when you win that Nobel Peace Prize.

"I know exactly what I want out of life."
If I had a dollar for everytime i heard some youngin tell me that, I wouldn't be sitting at this desk writing this blog. I'd be fucking paid and sitting on a stool formed by sexy-ass butt naked contortionist models dictating this to some sexy-ass bitch with brains who'd be typing it for me. I knew exactly what I wanted out of life when I was 19 too. Now i'm 25 and I can't tell my ass from my forehead. Sometimes they even smell the same. And that's not a bad thing. Life's a journey; embrace that shit. If you know exactly what you want with your life at 18 then more power to you; i wish my chi was that centered when I was fresh outta puberty. But if you want the same thing outta life at 30 that you wanted at 18 then get away from me cuz you're livin in some parallel universe where time stands still and you can spend 12 years wishing for the same shit.

There are probably six million and three other reasons why age difference is important regarding certain levels of maturity/handling situations, politics, financial responsibility, pop culture references, Jordache jeans (the first time around, not the second, you fags.). I'm 25 and I wouldn't date a 20 year old. I also wouldn't date a 35 year old. For what? So she can squeal when a Mary Jane Girls song comes on the radio (where??) and i can sit there lookin dumbfounded and lost as fuck? No thanks. I've got to worry about the maturity level/all-around 'mental togetherness' of a 32 year old who would want anything more than sex from a 19 year old. (and even that's pushin it.)I'm just being honest. Like, not saying people of different ages can't be friends, because that's definitely not the case; most of my friends are near or over 35. But in those formative years (not the 12-18 ones, but the 18-24 ones) 9 times out of ten you're not interesting enough to be able to maintain a friendship with anyone over 23. I wasn't, none of my bratty 20 year old friends were, and now that i'm old (hah...) I'm able to look at it from the other side and be like 'damn i would NOT wanna be 27 and be hangin out with a 19 year old. How Chester is THAT!?'

*Other things I've also murdered for include:
Looking through my phone
Borrowing my red chucks without asking
drinking the last orange/peach soda
ordering cheese and mayo on my burger/sandwich
cooking the bacon too long
cooking the bacon not long enough (i'm particular about my bacons)
scratching any of my Meshell NDegeocello or Pixies CDs
talking while Grey's is on
talking while commercials about Grey's is on
talking while someone else is talking about Grey's on television
the word 'cobalt'
packing seeds
usage of 'conversate' and 'irregardless'
not tipping your pizza man
not saying 'NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!' when appropriate
leaving the cap off my Play Doh allowing it to dry out

I don't know what this has to do with anything.

But I like this song today.

5 My Year In Lists - Los Campesinos!

grab her by the hair and tell her...

Dude THIS sucks. I'm depressed. Well, no. I'm not depressed. Because I don't like being depressed, and I usually avoid being depressed; I usually keep a distraction, or hang out with friends or write a funny blog or harass people on the internet or something. But now I don't have a distraction. I have no cable and no internet and a shitload of bills. I called Sallie Mae last night. Now I owe $136 by July 3rd. I don't have $136, and I won't have it by July 3rd. I just got my EBT card. I'm excited. That's one thing I have. I don't have to pay for food. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to eat. Which is good, because I have to worry about where I'm going to live, and I don't have enough in me to worry about both. My roommate's lease is up at the end of July. That gives me less than two months to find a second job and a place that I can afford before I am homeless. What the fuck was I thinking, trying to pay Sallie Mae back like I have extra funds to spend on not being sent to the collection agency? Cocky me. My ex has severed ties with me because I had sex with someone last week. We broke up in November. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of pining after a relationship that isn't gonna happen, and tired of pining after a woman who never trusted me. I'm tired of being angry that i spent two years trying to get her to trust me and I STILL walk on eggshells around her when it doesn't even matter, and then she gets angry when I fuck up, or try to move on, or something. Anything. I haven't had sex in six months. I'm not a person who goes six months without sex. I'm tired of not feeling attractive. I'm tired of being in Mobile but not having the means to leave. I'm broke and hungry with a busted car and on the verge of being homeless but I'm doing the best I can. So I'm tired of worrying about a woman who can take care of herself, who may be unhappy with her job but at least doesn't have to worry about who's gonna let her rent a space or what she's gonna do if her car fails her one morning -- shit. Like, really. Shit, I've got all this bullshit going on and the only thing you can think about and get pissed about is that six months later, I've had sex with someone else? I'm sad. And I'm tired. And I'm angry and I have NOTHING to distract me from everything that's happening.
"People ask 'How do people go crazy?' They should ask: 'How do they not?'"

I deleted my Twitter account.

Because it serves to do nothing but piss me off.

So I wanted to buy a bike and I went to Toys R Us for a credit card and got declined. And now my car's acting more retarded than it did, which sucks, because I have like, countrywide plans this summer, including Pensacola next week, which is only an hour away, but I mean..if I don't have a car, I can't go. Fuk.
No Doubt's performing for the first time in almost ten years in Atlanta July 7th. I intend to be there. Some people from a random internet forum I frequent are gathering in Nashville July 12th. I wanna be there too because 1) i like people and 2) never been to Nashville. I don't think I need any other excuse. And also I get paid that weekend so hell yes. I have plans. What I don't have, is money. What I don't have is a second job. What I don't have is a fucking way out. Me and this guy want to make a movie but neither of us can come up with a script. All I have in my head is some people gathered aruond a campfire. I don't know what thety're talking about, why they're around a campfire or how these people know each other. But they're there. It's gonna be a short. And someone's gonna be wearing a tobogan, even though it's summer. I got a fortune cookie yesterday: "Pursue your wishes aggressively." I'm at that place again..that place I was about six months ago where I didn't know where to start, except now I'm employed and I don't know where to start. I'm paying for stuff now. But I don't make enough to make a fucking dent.
I'm going to lunch.

Sitting Shivah.

I came home for Mother's day this weekend. Today my aunt's father died. I mean, he was like, the oldest living human being in Alabama so people knew he was nearing the end and had come from outta time to see him one more time. Well, a few people. But.
So Leon Flowers was a guy....don't know a lot about him, but I know he worked for the postal service for a number of years and he has 6..maybe? children. (Long story.)By 5 (?) different women. Tiny, innocuous man with all these chillun. Anyway. So he has these kids, was never really in any of their lives a lot except for my aunt's; she just recently met two of her sisters. Anyway. So for a man who's had 5 babymamas and 6 (maybe) chilrun, they all kinda hate him between abandonment issues and just general deadbeatery. But of course, he's their father. So three of them came down today and went to sit with him in his hospital room. They said they were all laughing and joking...and then he was gone.
They came back to the house, and we toasted to him: "To Leon...he'll be pinchin asses in heaven."
How many of us will be that lucky? Here's a man who's wronged a bunch of women and chilren in his life, and even in the bitter end, he's surrounded by loved ones. Loved ones who, for a moment, aren't thinking about what he did wrong or where he wasn't or whatever. They're there, for him, laughing and joking. How lucky to be surrounded by the laughter of loved ones (even if you're not done right by them, which makes you even luckier) in your last moments. I think that's what a lot of us worry about (or maybe it's just me); dying alone, or maybe not alone, but just worrying that nobody will care. No one will sit beside you in your last days, or show to your funeral, or think of you in 4 months when they use one of your favorite phrases or pass a car just like yours. But there's nothing like family, or friends, and being near people who may not forgive you or may not understand, but they love you. I couldn't think of a better way to go.

i have to stop talking to the Ex.

Because well, dure, i did realize 80% of the time we talked, it's because I was callin her. But i know she needs time to get over this whole thing, but i missed her. But i kinda owned the fact that I keep shoving myself in her life the other night and vowed to stay outta her way.
I'm lonely.

I don't really know what else there is to say.

More dreams.

Ok so i rarely dream, and when i do, i never remember them. But i've been havin some vivid-ass dreams lately and have been remembering them well. Like a couple of days ago i dreamt me and my best friend had a falling out and she never wanted to speak t me again.
I also had one where me and Tasha from the L Word were hangin out about to go to the club, and this chick i went to South with who i rarely talked to called wanting to go, and some wierd girl with a big ass made us tribal t-shirts. And we ended up in New Orleans.
And last night i dreamt there were leeches. And one leech kept growing to about 8 inches long. But when it dried up, it'd resemble a really cute cat. So i kept it sorta dried up, and it woudl stay all catlike, and the only way you knew it was still a leech was when it was on its back cuz it had leechteeth...suctionness on its stomach. And i had to kill it when it started trying to jump in the bed with me. Or i don't remember if i killed it. But i know I had to do something about it because it forgot it was a leech. That dream scared the shit outta me.

These Dreams

So I had a dream last week that I went to visit and my dog had turned rabid and didn't recognize me, and i made alaska lock herself in her bedroom, and then Roxie bit me and I had to have a painful series of rabies shots in my stomach.
And then Sunday I had this dream that Alaska had cancer but she wouldn't tell me, and I think I sobbed in my sleep but i'm not sure. But i remember waiting until I knew she was awake to call her and make sure she was okay.
Man i wish I could analyze dreams.

You don't know me at all.

Straight girls who attempt to find someone for lesbians is about the equivalent of a clueless white person trying to find a black woman a boyfriend. If you say you're not into men with texturizers and gold teeth, don't point to the one with the wettest S-Curl and say 'How bout him?'

Backtrack. I went to the club with some friends. While I was there, I went off to the bar and ran into other people I knew, and one I didn't, but she knew me. So me and one of the people used to be friends, but she kept ditchin me so i wrote her a nasty note about not making plans if you have no intention of honoring them because gas is expensive (not really) and that's an inconvenience. Anyway, saw her and two of her friends there and an aside: If you're the one who's being an inconsiderate douche, why are you running from me/pretending you don't see me? I think it's ridiculous, especially when you're in the wrong, to ignore the other person. Seriously, all I was gonna do was wave, not hold an hour-long conversation. There's a difference between being friends and being civil; let us not get confused.
Anyway. So i gave the girl a half-wave and she half-waved nervously back, and then her friend comes up to me and leans on my shoulder and proceeds to have this conversation with me like I know who the fuck she is. I later found out her name was Jessica. So she leans on my shoulder. I continue smoking my cigarette because no man gets between me and my nicotine when i been drinkin. So somehow she already knew my life story:
'Are you and Alaska still together?'
'No. We broke up a while ago.'
'OHHH NOOO!! I have to find you a girlfriend!'
'Good luck.'
'I thought you were gonna be together forEVER!!'
'O RLY'
'I used to see you around campus but i never said anything because I thought you were wierd.'
'I've never heard that before.'
'I never knew what to say to you!'
'Coulda just said 'hey'. I speak English too.'
'OMG I always thought you were wierd but you're really such a sweetheart!'
'I know.'
'I'm not gay!'
'Congratulations.'
'I'm really drunk.'
'I gathered.'
'What kind of girls are you into?'
'Black ones.'
'So how bout him?'
'Is he a she?'
'No..he's a guy! You're silly.'
'Lemme know when he sprouts some tits.'
'Are you into men?'
'No.'
'How bout her?'
'She's a butch white girl.'
'So should I talk to her for you?'
'No [simplebitch] she's not my type.'
'Well I have to find you someone in here!'
'BABY. It's NOT gonna happen in here. Tonight. Or Ever.'
'...Well, maybe if you dressed like a black guy you could get a black girl.'
' >_> (that's The Side-eye) '

After I decapitated her, chewed her remains and spit them out upon the crowd, i returned to my friends, who were ready to go. That conversation was both amusing and...terrible. Like, really? Why do you assume i'm lookin? And why the hell would I be at the club lookinpanub? And why do you know my life story? Who are you? I want to go to Mexico. Or Hawaii. Not Hawaii. But somewhere. Someone hurry and gimme a secunt job, yo.

My friendship always plays second chair.

Like, everyone has that friend that they hang out with when no other friends will hang out with them; i'm sure i've had a friend like that, and i'm sure i'm that person for someone. But damn. I didn't think I was that person for all of my friends. It's quickly making its way up the list of things that piss me off. And that's such a whiny phrase that I dont even like to use it unless it's extremely relevant. So. It's right up there with people texting when they're out with me. I hate it. It's rude. You came out with me. We're face to face. But the person miles away on the other end of the phone is more important than the conversation we're having right now? I'm sure they won't die if you don't immediately respond to their text. Bah. Beside the point. If we made plans, honor them. Don't ditch me the day of because something better came up. Sorry. We had plans for like, a week. And when I try to get in contact you're no where to be found? This happens too often. I don't deal well with that. I have abandonment issues; not parentwise, but always being left out or feeling like the reject, or being the B-Rate friend 'Oh Steph can't hang out because she broke her hand well we can always call Amber, I know she's down.' I'm tired. I'm always down to hang out when someone calls. I can't remember the last time i've called someone wanted to hang out and they've been able to, or wanted to, or said they would only to not show up. You. I called you to see if you still wanted to hang out. I was exhausted and wanted to stay home, but you said you'd be there. I left my house to meet you there and you didn't fucking show; you didn't answer your phone when I called to tell you the bar was lame and if you wanted to meet up somewhere else. You. You said you couldn't go to the artwalk because you had to wait for your furniture to be delivered. We were supposed to go to the shrimp boil. Instead, the day before, you decide you'd rather drive six hours to memphis to get your back blown out by someone who's gonna be back in town in a week. That? Rejection. I *hate* rejection. I don't think people realize how much I bust my ass to make sure things are in place; to make sure i'm where I need to be, calling ahead to warn people if something's lame, to save seats, to make sure I have times and venues correct, how much I make sure i'm in place, or at least accessible when someone's expecting me. And thing is, alll that stuff I do..it's common fucking courtesy. It's what I was brought up to do. You don't talk on the phone at the table, so you wouldn't text at the table. You call people if you're gonna be late, you don't ditch people just because something more awesome comes up...just...shit. I dunno. I'm just tired of being the not-awesome thing and for once i'd like some local friends who are worth a damn.

I like geeky humor.

This was my status on Facebook:
"Treacher is pregnant with ideas and the gestation period is NOW! Let us summon the midwife of opportunity!"

And it just got worse from there.

"Treacher Collins is pregnant with ideas. And the gestation period is NOW; let us summon the midwife of opportunity!3:50pm

Treacher Collins at 4:05pm April 16
And yes, we will be bathing in the placenta of success!

Livi FruFru at 4:07pm April 16
too far? /: 0

Treacher Collins at 4:10pm April 16
Wait..do people bathe in the placenta of success, or do they dine on the placenta of success? And no. It's never too far.

Billy Weaver at 4:17pm April 16
no, no... they dine on the placenta of success and bathe in the fetal membranes of brilliance

Treacher Collins at 4:21pm April 16
Oh Billy..have you been imbibing the amniotic fluids of creativity?

Billy Weaver at 4:43pm April 16
sure have... consumed through the umbilical cord of ingenious

Treacher Collins at 5:02pm April 16
Wow. It must have been brewed in the Fallopian tubes of concentration.

Mindy Mitchell at 5:46pm April 16
Nice delivery!

Treacher Collins at 6:17pm April 16
Dude I think...we're a little bit past awesome.

Diane Cook at 6:27pm April 16
I love this. I think this is the best post I've seen in a while."

Hell, i'm a little bit in love with myself right now. Like, even if I say so myself, that exchange was pretty brainy and excellent.

Ok so. I'm doin the vegetarian thing. It's goin okay. I bought tofu, but I don't think there will be a need for that after i'm done with the two packs I bought. I tried to cook it last night and dude it crumbled. It freakin crumbled! And it was gross. It was seasoned like, perfectly but as far as texture..no ma'am. Nasty. And I also tried brown rice because it doesn't have HFCS and glutens and whatnot, but yeah that was gummy and gross too. So i opted for a PB&J sammich and went to bed, lol. But I've been at it for a week now...I think once I get more recipes under my belt I'll be fine. I still have to find a decent source of daily protein that doesn't involve beans...not that I'm against beans, but I have no idea what to do with them, and I can't sit up and eat a bowl of beans without feelin like somethin outta Blazing Saddles. (and i was referring to the beans scene where they're all farting, but then I thought of this scene which cracks me up errytime:)


so yeah. Happy Five Day Anniversary of vegetarianism! And like..tofu isn't bad, but talked to someone last night about it and apparently you need to deep fry it lightly (can you 'deep fry' something 'lightly'?) first so it won't crumble while you're stirring it. So next time I think i'll try that..although that's a LOT of preparation for some tofu. So like I said, after this pack is done, I just won't do the tofu thing.

I got a fucking ticket.

That cop ain't have to give me that ticket. Tombout some 'wreckless driving' bitch nigga i was goin 59 in a 40 errbody knows wreckless driving is 25 above the speed limit you better suck that shit up and kiss the entire inside of my non-regular asshole don't you know i work in non-profit tombout some 'come down to court and they might throw it out i don't know' ho-ass nigga stand there long enough watch me throw YOU out. Ok i'm talkin shit but really. I'm peeved. Not peeved. Pissed. Upset and angry dude FUCK YOU. Go to sleep. Yeansposta be up at no 3 am like i'miz. Take that ass to bed Fuck you.
God I gotta call my cop friend in the morning and see if she can do somethin about it. Jesus. The power of Christ compels you.

And I ain't been laid. And my period's on. And i'm horny. And the next bitch i haz some secks with better watch out cuz i'm tearin that ass all the way up.

Last time i conquered the world.

I wanna go on a roadtrip. I think i'm gonna go on a roadtrip. I haven't decided where. One of my nationwide friends in Arizona wants me to visit. I have two friends in Arizona. I could visit them. I'd like to go with people. But that seems unlikely. So if no one wants to go with me, I don't mind going by myself. I need to go away. Atlanta isn't away; it's down the street. So I wanna go far. I'm also considering Canada, but that would have to be July if I did that because I don't know when it starts to get cold up there again, and I don't want to run into that shit. Anyway. I don't know. I'm excited about moving out. Being ignored is getting old. I'll fold and pack my things tonight and tomorrow. I hope one day we can be friends. And that I stop lookin at her like a lost dog, even though most days she speaks to Roxie more than me. I'm going to see a movie tonight.

And I think i'm starting to realize that once you get in a field like this, you may never wanna leave. Not because you make oodles of money or you enjoy every minute of it, but because the work is never done. But that's why I need to be a millionaire. Not only so I can be debt-free and have an entourage of small jewish men dressed in suits and look reminiscent of the cast of the Daily Show, but so i can drive a Honda and donate most of my shit to stuff like this and open up centers and shit and name them after someone else. Or make some better shit for childrens' homes or foster care or something. I guess I'm thinkin about that cuz we just got a call that a child ran away.

Silversun Pickups is an awesome band..they remind of Yo La Tengo. Which...is an awesome band. My car has a few problems. But I have faith that it won't disappoint on my roadtrip.

The Greatest Light Is The Greatest Shade - The Joy Formidable

Your mom goes to Coolidge.

Someone at work said I was 'intelligent'. Which made my life, because she's only known me for two months. And also makes me feel like i'm not as retarded as I feel.
It's a beautiful day outside. I want to go somewhere. My car won't start. I'm irritated. I also wanted to go to Wal Mart because I need two pairs of needlenose pliers and some twine and copper something. I'm feeling industrious and bored and stifled and I want to make some jewelry. I still want to do welding but really..who has the money to get started in that?? I might do it anyway. How much for a blowtorch? One thing at a time. Anyway. Stupid car.
I was bored (since i'm stuck in the house with my funky-ass dog who vomits on the sofa near my face when i'm sleeping) and I cooked pork chops. Because I'm the kind of person who makes dinner when I get bored. I'm also the kind of person who contemplates becoming a vegetarian while cooking pork chops. I move out in a week. I don't know that I'll buy any meat after that. Who can really afford meat? But then, who can really afford vegetables? I looked up some recipes and found a billion and three sites dedicated to vegan eating (because I just bypassed the 'vegetarian' altogether.) I haven't decided. How much will I miss meat? I love meat. But i've eaten meals without it pretty often that have tasted great. How do I become a veggie without gaining a bunch of weight? Because i'm prone to eating a punch of noodles and potatoes to try to fill myself up in place of meat. I dunno. I never stick with anything. I might read this blog in two days and call myself a fag. I'm thirsty. We don't have anything to drink.

I've been listening to this song a lot:
http://www.last.fm/music/MIDIval+PunditZ/_/Dark+Age+(Karsh+Kale+Remix)?autostart

i dream of jeenee.

thoght i'd write down snippets of my dreams before i forgot them:
i called a friend i never call and it was early and i was like you're alwyas up early and she was like ohh but today i'mnot.
i bought macy grey's live album two-disc set at target. It came with bandaid.
Goapele came out with a new album.
I went to the hospital for some sort of elective surgery and i couldn't find anyone to do a consult with me.
I played tag with this guy i worked at HungryHowie's with. We were in Big Lots/Burke's Outlast/Maxway...one of those type stores.

And that's all I can remember. Thoght i'd write them down because i don't know if they meant anything, but them shits was all over the place.
i'm gonna go dance and get ready for work.

Oh and I decided i'm definitely gonna quit smoking. I really have no regard for my health, but since I started workig out, i definitely noticed I can't breathe at all, and if i'm gonna be hot and keep frmo getting fat from having this office job where Mr. Lyn likes to force everyone to eat pasta/burritos/bread pudding, i need to work out.
I don't think i'm gonna go in til nine today. Why am I writing a blog when i first wake up? Am I that much a slabe to de computreh?

All my exes are fine young cannibals.

Because all they wanna say is 'She drives me crazy!' *rimshot*

Blah. I overheard my ex on the phone last night with her mother saying she was gonna start going to therapy. Therapy? Like, a year ago she would have said 'Therapy's for white people.'
My ego's not THAT huge, but like..i dunno. Is it my fault? She was fine when I met her. And now she's going to therapy? It was that bad? We were that bad? I thought we had a great run. And things got shaky at the end, and then I boned someone after we broke up but were still livin together and it's like, irreparable or something. I want to get out of that house. It sucks living there, for me and for her.
Section 8 list is closed. (Section 8 lists close?)
Everyone else requires 2.5 times the rent.
Low-Income requires 2.5 times the rent, and their rent is still $450 (which defeats the purpose, because I can find a place for less that isn't income-based.)
Everytime I see a room for rent open in the paper, it's gone by the time I call.
I'm basically a squatter. Because I don't feel like I live there. Hell, I don't live there.
So yes. Therapy. Would she be thinking about therapy if she was with someone else? All my exes were crazy before I got to them; 'I was molested and also tried to kill myself once with pills and pine sol'..'my dad's an alcoholic so it's probably in my blood that i drink this much'...'Oh I'm on Wellbutrin because i'm clinically depressed when i'm really just a fucking hypochondriac'...'Oh I was addicted to meth but i'm not anymore and also I was committed 4 times so if you try to have me committed i'll kill you and then i'll kill myself.' And now, the one awesome chick I had, I drove to therapy. Not that therapy makes you crazy. And not that I even drove her there, because that would require me to think i'm huge-er than I am. That's not it at all. But the fact remains; she was perfectly fine and capable and awesome, and something happened in the two years we were together to make her think a little bit less.
Blah. I dunno. I just want whatever she's going to therapy for to resolve itself. I want her to be the happy awesome moderately sceptical 'i like orchids and Boston Baked Beans' person she is.

The Lighthouse - Interpol

Lonely.

Everyone on here has pics with their nieces, nephews, sisters cousins brothers..i don't have any neices nephews sisters brothers cousins. Well I have cousins but the only ones I know are the ones in Montgomery and they're like, 15. I don't even think I have any cousins my age; i've never met any cousins my age. What if i'm sittin up on my deathbed alone? What if i careen over the edge of a bridge or choke on something while i'm eating? (all very real possibilities since I like to eat a lot and drive really fast) No one's gonna know i'm dead until I've rotted in my house for three days and the neighbors begin to complain. That happened to a family member. I don't want kids. Kids get in the way. I don't have many friends. I'm awkward and wierd and not good at small talk.(no Erica Hahn). But seriously. I want brothers and sisters. Do you know my mom will be 55 this year and my grown ass just stopped askin for a little sister like, last year? (Ok I was asking in jest, but still. If she'd been willing to squeeze one out i'd have been ecstatic.) Why do I have fond memories of being in band in high school? Aside from doin it between the buildings and kicking total and complete ass on the tenor, it was the closest thing to a team I've ever been a part of.
Blah.
I need to go.

Shove it in a Fendi bag.

So I heard a clip of Wale's 'Nike Boots' on a commercial or something and I was like 'Oh Snapski! Lemme get that!' So I got the song; dug it completely. So i decided to download the album. (cuz seriously? I don't buy shit. But downloadin that album might prompt me to spend $40 on a ticket to see that ass in concert. I digress.) MAN, that album is THE BEST hip-hop/rap album I've heard..in years.


Like, it's so good that I put it on a CD by itself. I haven't done that for an album in forever; usually I snatch a few songs off the album and mix it in with 50 other songs, like I did with Common's. I wanted to like Common's album, but for only having 10 songs on it in the first place (which is his first mistake; I'm greedy and I expect at least 13 songs with 2 skits and an intro) but only about 4 songs were good. (check out 'Everywhere'. Best track on the album.) But yeah. I haven't heard a hiphop album this good since


Yeah. I know. Terrible. Although Lupe Fiasco's album wasn't bad from what I heard, I just couldn't get into it. I downloaded his first one, which was ..bad. The second one was good, though. But. Anyway.

So I went to check out the projects yesterday; the listing has closed for section 8 housing and the only place open with low-income rent was Oaklawn. (You already know.) Why is it always the places with 'lawn' or 'grove' in the title that are extra hood? So, the lady told me about it with trepidation, and I resisted asking if it was somewhere she thought I may wanna live since I figured that would come off as sadiddy. So I decided to drive by there on my lunch break. First off, it was WAY off in BFE, where banks are exchanged for Payday Advance Loan places and I happened to notice that my lil 98 honda was the nicest car on the block. (I know, right?) So I pull up to the place..no. I drive by the place, see the faded green awning, clay in leiu of a concrete parking lot and the grey buildings with windows open and window unit A/C and decide that I'd probably shoot myself in the head within a week if I had to live there if someone else didn't do it first. But then I also remembered that if I lived there, rent would be like, $17. So now I'm conflicted. Should I risk being raped 32 times before I can get my suitcase in the house for cheap rent, or should I declare homelessness (how would I go about that??) so I can get moved up on someone's list for housing? Ideally (and this is gonna sound REALLY BAD) I'd like to live in R.V. Taylor. Them's is some nice quiet projects. Everytime I pass out there the grass looks all green, the 23 year old mother is outside hanging laundry as her 19 children play Red Rover/Chris Brown y Rihanna, the old man who's likely just released from prison for committing a crime of passion in 1959 is pushing his garbage can to the curb, a woman in green rollers (the hard ones, not the sponge ones, God no.) is carrying her Save-A-Lot bags of groceries inside her house. Sounds idyllic, as far as the projects go. So I went into the office at Taylor Housing Project and there were three women sitting in there...ok I know you're dirt poor and whatever, but you can't possibly be as poor as I am, and you don't have to look at me like 'WTF Are you doin here? You're wearing Florsheim shoes.' (why yes...yes I am. Thrift Store FTW. But that's beside the point.) I'm a brokeass just like you. I just look good doin it. In fact, usually the broker I am, the better I look. When I'm ballin, I'm gonna look like a homeless man cuz I'll be able to afford those $400 ripped up dirty-ass jeans. Right now, I can only afford minimal rips. Or Faded Glory.

Fat moment of last week: Me, in my car, to no one in particular: "Ooh guhl Checkers sells hotwings now! AND they're open til 3 am on the weekends!? Sheeiiit."

So it begins.

So we re-broke up last night.
You know lesbians, you break up, then you hang around and one of you holds out hope that maybe it'll work again but then you keep remembering why it would never, then you end up breaking up again. But well it's kinda my fault because I sexed down someone else. No, not while we were together; not even while we were sharin a bed. And it wasn't like 'ZOMG this guhl is so hot I gotta have her' it was more like a '......well I guess I'm not in a relationship and who knows when's the next time anyone will think i'm hot enough to do.' But, the fact remains, I sexed down another woman, and it came to light, and now I fear we may not even be able to be friends.
Anyway. That's beside the point.
The pernt is, now more than ever, I gotta move out. WHICH, is something I would have done sooner had I had the funds, but, since I didn't, I well...didn't. So now I've run off everything I need, got my SSN card and check stub and everything and I'm gonna take my skinny ass down to the Housing office and procure myself a space in the finest of public housing establishments (and also request not to be put in Roger Williams Projects or Mobile Terrace cuz I heard people get raped and set ablaze over there.)
Also. I'm really conflicted. My mother sent me a job offer in Winston-Salem, NC. From what I understand, it's a Master's program/paid thingie having to do with business; it's designed especially for liberal arts majors. But ... I work here. I made a pledge. And as awesome as this Winston-Salem thing seems...I dunno. I made a promise, and I'd feel terrible about leaving before my year of service was up. Also, I knew not finishing those two classes would bite me in my anus, but I think I'll shoot the guy an email anyway and pray they don't ask for a transcript because I don't have enough money to bribe anyone. But I spent all last night researching Winston-Salem and I've already fallen in love with the city, not to mention they're the home of Camel cigarettes so they gotta be cheaper, eh? No? Maybe? Whatever. I gotta go. Alaska locked herself outta the house and we've apparently locked the emergency 'break-in-your-own-hizz' window.

Random Scribes of Awesome.

I had a fat thought yesterday: I asked if I could get my red beans & rice from Popeye's Supersized. I could not. But Alaska was nice enough to order red beans y rice too so that I could have hers. And I had a dream about chili cheese fries from Krystals. I've been dreamin about Krystals a lot lately.

I went to the thrift stores across town today. I FORGOT how AWESOME that Goodwill is over there, even though it's in the mondoredneck part of town. I found 3 plaid buttondowns for $4 each. I wouldn't have paid that for shirts at a thrift store, but they were Polo. And that sounds more name-brand conscious than I actually am, but I like the way their buttondowns fit, and they were size 16 in boys which happens to be perfecto. And I bought some shorts that are pretty sexy. But. My treasure find this time was a pair of brown wingtip shoes! Like, authentic wingtips, not Doc Marten punkrock sxc wingtips...they look a tad mangy but once i polish them OH MY GOD I'm gonna be lookin sharp. I'm pretty excited. I only have $60 to last me until I get paid next, but I get paid Friday so it's not so bad. I still need to know how to print off my check stub so that I can apply for section 8 housing and food stamps.

I've decided I REALLY like my job, and I can't wait to get more into it, like, have more stuff. And I can't wait to get more organized too. Man it's kinda sad too thought because some of those kids really go through it, but I hope they get a little bit of relief or happiness or something positive from the program. Uh.

Also. Someone buy me these.


BADASSERY ABOUND.

More working out. And also a lack of the sexing.

So I've been to the gym everyday this week. The first day of cardio made me wanna kill myself, until I learned the art of the Warm Up and the Cool Down. (Ohh, I get it.) So I did ten minutes the first day, fifteen the second, 30 the third and 10 the fourth because for some reason, I was tired. I jumped rope, did abdominal and oblique shit and sculpted.

Anyway, i'm proud that i've stuck with it, even thought it's only been a week. But. I really likeit, and I have a full two months to get super sexy for pensacola pride, which hopefully won't be boring. And I have a full like...five months to get sexy for ATL pride, at which maybe I'll get laid? Yes? No? No.
And segueing into getting laid...I thought this whole working out thing would make me not think about the sex I'm not having, but now my sex drive has escalated from somewhat ridiculous to 'if you're hot and in a short skirt I might accidentally finger you and add insult to injury by licking your neck.' Like, masturbation, ok, fine, but that only makes the fact that no human alive has made it clear that they wanna give you the booginae. (that was actually a typo but I'm likin that scientific-ass spin on that word.) I mean I could use a nice stroke of the ego/vag right now; I haven't been fondled in 7 months. Well, not fondled in a way that's gonna progress to the inside parts of my pants. I know. I talk about this a lot. But I'm hot. And it's getting outta hand.
But at least my job is awesome.

up in the gym..workin on my fitness.

So I decided given my office is six feet from the gym and I get to work out there for free, it'd be triflin not to take advantage of that, especially since i've been talking about 'werkin owt' for like, two years. So me and two coworkers decided to. With the help of them, I was gonna get over my fear of the gym.
Yeah man i walked up in there and I didn't know what the hell to do with them machines. So foreign. I didn't even know where to look on the machines to see what muscles they worked out. I got on some spread eagle machine and I'll probably never use that again. I did find an ab machine, but it only works out the side parts (which i desperately need, but still.) I ended up doing an assload of sit ups (and it burns) and some wierd thing..some shit that wasn't a machine at all but more of a 'here, sit your ass up on this thing and bring your legs to your chest' thing. It hurt like a bitch or four.
So yeah typing this? It hurts. But I love you. So I type. And also I want to be unlazy. I want to not be tired when i walk up one flight of stairs. I want to be able to bodyslam people when they bumrush me at Mardi Gras because they think i'm a boy dancing on their skank of a girlfriend. I wanna be able to pick up a midget and toss him like I keep saying I'm gonna do before I die.
And i want that sexy waistal V that leads to the AG.
And also maybe I'll get me some sex appeal. Cuz on the heirarchy of sex, i'm like a 'hey i'll lick the tip if you do my calculus homework.' or something. It made sense in my head.
my abdomen hurts. I pushed out a fart just now? Hurt.

my turn.

Maybe it's because I read too much fanfic or watch too much television lately but I don't want to make the first move anymore. I don't want to feel like I'm coercing a girl to like me/wanna kiss me. I want the next woman to decide she can't go another minute without kissing me and just grab my face nad plant it on me. Ok maybe not like that. But. I'm tired of having to do all the work. I don't feel like anyone has any genuine interest in me; i've never been approached or asked out; I've always done all the legwork (unless it was some random broad on the internet.) I'm tired of that. I want to be pursued. I'm generally dominant, but it doesn't mean that I don't like it when a girl expresses some sort of interest in me every once in a while. I don't wanna do it anymore. I'm tired of being nervous and uncool and rejected. And i'm overeating. Not like a fat girl eating her pain or anything, but it didn't occur to me that i've been overeating until I realized that I'm not hungry anymore. I haven' tbeen hungry in days before I started shoving food in my mouth. I ate a sandwich last night. Then I ate like, a plate of meatloaf and potatoes 40 minutes later. Today I went to a chili cookoff and ate my weight in chili, then left and went and had a chilidog and a milkshake. Nevermind the fact that my body is cursing me out for that last meal. For the past 7 hours I've had to consciously force myself not to eat. I can't even tell if I'm hungry or if i'm just bored or being wierd. I know. It's wierd because I weigh like, 122 lbs, but. If my metabolism wasn't that of a 6 year old meth orphan with ADHD, i'd be about 600 lbs today. I'm out of cigarettes. I really want a cigarette. I'm frustrated. I've gotten back into the habit of masturbating and for a while it was great, but now that familiar feeling of patheticness and frustration has set in and everytime I do it I get upset that I can't get laid. And excuse me for sounding cocky but I happen to think I'm one of the best catches in this city. (Goddamnit that's cocky but I really feel like that.) Le sigh, man.
I'm gonna watch move Grey's Anatomy (because we know I'm is obsessed.) and I'll probably end up eating six pounds of cheese in about an hour.

Rihanna and CBrown. Because who doesn't have commentary?

I have concerns about that. Like most of us. What shocks me most (and probably most people) is the fact that most of his fanbase are girls aged 7-15. I'd like to say he ruined his career, and obviously his endorsements have been pulled, but as far as record sales, because of how we view abuse, I don't see sales tapering off drastically. Anyway I say all that to say this: I don't watch BET or any music TV stations, but have they done a PSA against domestic violence yet? Because I think since this popped off, and given his prominence in the media and popularity among little girls, they need to have done a domestic violence PSA as SOON as that news broke because domestic abuse is rampant in the black community (well, in all communities) but we're the most likely to accept it as a part of life, like back in the day when granddad used to beat grandma's ass and 'that's just how he was'; everyone turned the other cheek. This isn't 1945 anymore. Women still get their asses beat by men (and sometimes other women, but that's a whole different post.) and people still turn the other cheek; we still act like 'that's white folks shit' or 'that's all men are exposed to', and because rap music and black media in general is misogynistic, it makes it seem like it's acceptable. So anyone, has there been a PSA regarding this on BET, TVOne or whatever yet?

Yeah i copy/pasted that from another blog I wrote it in, but I have more to add. But now i'm incredibly sleepy so yeah. Gnite!

Truly Madly Deeply.

Ok how wack is this; i'm still madly in love with my ex. Like, MADLY. We broke up like, in November and still I can't imagine being with anyone except her. And no duh I don't expect to be over her in three months; I know it doesn't work like that. But. I expected it to fade a little at least, but it hasn't. We were wierd. I want to be wierd with her. Together. I can't imagine anyone else in that spot.
Not to say i can't imagine screwing other people, cuz I totally would like to screw. I like screwing. But it's gonna be so....so long before I get in another relationship oh God I was like, ridiculously invested in this relationship. Well, not 'ridiculously', I was justifiably invested. Dure. But i mean, shit. It's gonna take me a really REAALLY long time to get over this woman, which is suckish. I would love nothing more than for us to have worked out; than for us to work out. But there are fundamental differences, i guess. I suppose we grew? Or outgrew? Or something? I can't even..I dunno. I regret. I feel like we hit a slump, but it was a long slump, and. Bleh. I didn't have a job for a while; I wasn't doing anything productive; i felt like she could do better. I was frustrated because I didn't have any friends... I dunno. I feel like I have more to offer now, and will have even more so after I start working again, this time a real-live grown-up job. I feel like things will get better for us after I move out, but then i remember this is no 'us'. But everytime I think 'hey we could totally work out', we're so different. We compliment each other, and it's wonderful. But I don't want her to worry. And I think she always worried. We both made sacrifices; big ones. There were friends that i forwent (that's not a word) making because I thought she'd think I was trying to screw other people...I could tell when she was holding something back from me (not in a shady way, just in a 'avoid confrontation' way) which made it hard to figure stuff out. We both agreed that we shouldn't have moved in together. We didnt' move in out of 'ooh let's U-Haul!' we moved in because we didn't wanna live in the dorms anymore and were too broke for rent on our own. Anyway. I love her. Like stupid crazy much. And I think she knows it. And i'm a little conflicted between thinking we could totally make it work and knowing it wouldn't. And besides, she's moving in August, and I'm moving soon after, and it's a stupid crazy indecisive thing to break up and get back together like 12 year olds and television.

..And I know all the words to 'De Colores'.

So I was on AfterEllen (because i'm a little bit obsessed) and someone posted this here quiz:

http://www.colorquiz.com/

So there are no questions, just a bunch of colors, you pick them in order that yuo like, then you pick them again in the order that you like. And based on your order they have all these preconceived notions about what's goin on in that big sexy brain-a-yearn. I took it, and it was a little disconcerting how accurate it was, not because 'ooh it's the internet and I feel like the KGB is watchin me' or some shit, but because it's stuff I already know about my sitcheeashins and whatnot.


Proceed.

Your Existing Situation

Readily participates in things affording excitement or stimulation. Wants to feel exhilarated.

Your Stress Sources

An existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory, but she feels unable to change it to bring about the sense of belonging which she needs. Unwilling to expose her vulnerability, she therefore continues to resist this state of affairs, but feels dependent on the attachment. This not only depresses her. but makes her irritable and impatient, producing considerable restlessness and the urge to get away from the situation, either actually or, at least, mentally. Ability to concentrate may suffer.

Your Restrained Characteristics

The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.

Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity, but tries to avoid conflict.

Feels that things stand in her way, that circumstances are forcing her to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective

Needs a change in her circumstances or in her relationships which will permit relief from stress. Seeking a solution which will open up new and better possibilities and allow hopes to be fulfilled.

Your Actual Problem

Anxiety and restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced stress. She feels misunderstood, disoriented, and unsettled. This drives her into a search for new conditions or relationships, in the hope that these might offer greater contentment and peace of mind.

So Lemme 'splain.

I mean, it basically explains itself. I have a job now, (thank de lawd) and I can't WAIT to start that shit. I always had these shit jobs, and I stayed at them for like, 4 months tops because I knew I was expendable. I dont' like being expendable. They were always 'crew members' or 'team workers', but really anyone can do that shit. It took like, no skill. The jobs were flexible and easy to get. So now I have a real job where I get to do stuff and feel needed WHICH, is great because i'm getting tired of feeling like I can be replaced, or like i'm in the way. And i'm tired of being bored. I want to go on roadtrips; that whole exhiliration thing? Completely true. Like, if someone wanted to take me skydiving, or give me a really cool project at work, or offer me a line of coke that I was certain wasn't amped with rat poison, I'd totally accept! Because I'm stagnant and it's driving me insane.! And here I was trying to convince myself that I was just being lazy and full of shit when I wasn't working, or when things weren't changing. It occured to me about two weeks ago that no, I wasn't being trifling like I was trying to make myself feel I was, but I really needed to clear my head. Not the Callies Torres method of clearing my head (although some sex would not have been turned down if the person is considerably attractive), but nothing was happening not because I wasn't trying, but because I didn't know which direction to start from. I didn't have money to move, I couldn't find a job here or there, my resume sucked, I wasn't QUITE finished with school so I couldn't say I was, and people kept calling me for money I didn't have which was stressing me out and pissing me off and making my head inside parts all muddled and crazy, and I was sexually frustrated and thought I was ugly, which sounds minor, but I hated my hair and didn't wanna interview anyone because I couldn't get my hair to look right. But now I have a job. So. Now, for the first time ever, I have a plan. And I don't do plans. I don't haev dates; that'll just piss me off. But I know that I'm trying to figure out where I want to move next year, and I'm going to finish up my degree next year when I get some money, and I cut my hair slightly, so it looks a ton better, and I'm not really worried about sex because I'm in Mobile and that'll never happen because everyone here is either boo'd, psycho or has the syph. and lately I've made some pretty cool friends, and that's bettered my mood considerably, although when I think about the fact that I just met these awesome people and they're moving to Denver in March, i get a little peeved considering one lived in my same dorm building like four years ago and we TOTALLY coulda been roaddogs but that's neither here nor thurr. Anyway, point is, 2008 sucked. I don't usually do the whole 'new year new me' thing because I think it you wanna change, a year is a long-ass time to wait to do it. But things just so happened to work out toward the end of last year, effectively making 2009 my year. Anyway. My dog has to pee. I'm going now.

All the world's a stage.

Ok so the Prez has been in office for like, four days, right? And man people are like, really focused on what, or WHO Michelle is wearing, what colors her kids are wearing, what they order on their burgers, Sasha doesn't like strawberry milkshakes and Melia (yeah i butchered that spelling) watches Law and Order:SVU but doesn't like Criminal Intent. My point is, I love being a voyeur, but only for porn. I don't want to know this much about the famous. I don't want to know this much about the president's kids. It's not that I don't care, it's that I don't like this much personal information about them just being out there for everyone to see. I feel like everyone should be allowed to some privacy, and especially as girls who're about to enter their teenage years? I don't want the media to be covering her first period or something (because I really think they'd go that far.) I feel like even though they are the First family, they should have a right to privacy. I know they've only been in office for four days so everything is still new and hopefully and shiny, but an unsolicited peek into their privates lives to find out that the youngest hates pickles is too much for me.

Crank that Section 8.

So I got my first grown-up job, right? But the pay is definitely NOT grown-up pay. In fact, I'm gonna make so little that I'm gonna qualify for section 8 AND food stamps. So you know what?

Party at my Projex!!



I'm totally gonna apply for section-8 housing and food stamps, and I'm gonna have friends visit me in the projects, and on the first of each month I'll go up to the office and pay my $16 in rent, then stock up on rices and cheap meat with my EBT.
Is it wrong that I'm totally excited about this section-8 that's about to go down? Cuz seriously ifi can get this section-8 then it doesn't matter that i make a tiny amount of money cuz then I can still afford to pay my car note and try to have it fixed part by part and all. (and go to JazzFest in New Orleans in April to see Erykah Badu and Kings of Leon and DMB and EWF)
So yeah. I was informed to request that I NOT be placed in Mobile Terrace, as I'll probably be raped, beaten, murdered and exanguinated in the first 5 hours.
So yeah when i move in, i'm gonna make a video of my new hood, yo! *chunks up los deuces*

08 Favorite Albums de le 08.

Since it's over and all I thought I'd really list my favorites from 08. Because there was some utter crap out there, but there was also some pretty awesome shit.

1. Sam Sparro - I've totally mentioned him before. He's all electro and has a pretty distinct voice..like a poppier Jamiroquai, who i love dearly. 'Black & gold' '21st Century Life' 'Cottonmouth' are tracks you should check out.



2. Adele - The first time i heard her was 'Hometown Glory' on Grey's Anatomy and I was like 'Holy smokes! Who Dis ih??' So yeah. Her voice is amazing. If Duffy's voice was less chipmunkesque, she'd sound like Adele. 'Tired' 'Hometown Glory' and 'Melt to Stone'.



3. Born Ruffians - Their album 'Red Yellow Blue'. It's unrefined and honest and I loves it. 'This Song will Make/Ruin your life' and 'Barnacle Goose' are my favorites.



4. Kings of Leon - By now everyone knows 'Sex on Fire'. I downloaded their album and it's been a while since I've head an album where every song on it was great. This man's voice..it's like Paolo Nutini with more edge. And I'm in love. 'Notion' and 'I Want You'.



5. Santogold - I just liked the album cover. So I got the album. And I loved it. Not much to say; everyone's heard of her. If you haven't checked out the Diplo vs.Santogold mixtape, I suggest you get that ass to a torrent and snatch it.



6. Vampire Weekend - I like how they use atypical instruments but still manage to keep their sound clear and simple. Their album's only like, 35 minutes long, which is perfect IMO. 'A-Punk' 'Mansard Roof' and 'Bryn'.



7. Ida Maria - she sounds strung out. Her voice is rough and her music is felt. 'I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked' 'Keep me Warm' and 'Louie'.



8. Black Kids - OMG their music makes me spazz around like a 'tard! I can't really pick a favorite because..they're just all great. The whole album.



Honorable mentions:
Rihanna "Good Girl Gone Bad" - that girl OWNED the summer, yall.
MGMT "Oracular Spectacular"- catchy music. 'The Youth' and 'Electric Feel' mostly.
TV On the Radio "Dear Science"- really good from what i've listened. 'Crying' 'Stork and Owl' 'DLZ'
Pendulum "In Silico" - if you like drum n bass, check out 'Different' and 'Tempest'
Stars "In Our Bedroom After the War" - their songs convey a poignant message in few words. I love it.
White Denim - their sound is junky and unfinished. just. all-around fun.
Portishead "Third" - i've had it for a while but i JUST got around to listening to it..it's pretty great. It's been ten years since their last release so it's totally welcome.
Global Noize "Global Noize" - if you're into jazz/instrumental music, it's got great music with world music influence. It's got John Popper (harmonica guy from Blues Traveler) and MeShell NDegeocello on it.