Dude THIS sucks. I'm depressed. Well, no. I'm not depressed. Because I don't like being depressed, and I usually avoid being depressed; I usually keep a distraction, or hang out with friends or write a funny blog or harass people on the internet or something. But now I don't have a distraction. I have no cable and no internet and a shitload of bills. I called Sallie Mae last night. Now I owe $136 by July 3rd. I don't have $136, and I won't have it by July 3rd. I just got my EBT card. I'm excited. That's one thing I have. I don't have to pay for food. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to eat. Which is good, because I have to worry about where I'm going to live, and I don't have enough in me to worry about both. My roommate's lease is up at the end of July. That gives me less than two months to find a second job and a place that I can afford before I am homeless. What the fuck was I thinking, trying to pay Sallie Mae back like I have extra funds to spend on not being sent to the collection agency? Cocky me. My ex has severed ties with me because I had sex with someone last week. We broke up in November. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of pining after a relationship that isn't gonna happen, and tired of pining after a woman who never trusted me. I'm tired of being angry that i spent two years trying to get her to trust me and I STILL walk on eggshells around her when it doesn't even matter, and then she gets angry when I fuck up, or try to move on, or something. Anything. I haven't had sex in six months. I'm not a person who goes six months without sex. I'm tired of not feeling attractive. I'm tired of being in Mobile but not having the means to leave. I'm broke and hungry with a busted car and on the verge of being homeless but I'm doing the best I can. So I'm tired of worrying about a woman who can take care of herself, who may be unhappy with her job but at least doesn't have to worry about who's gonna let her rent a space or what she's gonna do if her car fails her one morning -- shit. Like, really. Shit, I've got all this bullshit going on and the only thing you can think about and get pissed about is that six months later, I've had sex with someone else? I'm sad. And I'm tired. And I'm angry and I have NOTHING to distract me from everything that's happening.
"People ask 'How do people go crazy?' They should ask: 'How do they not?'"
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I am:
- Otherwise known as Gingivitis
- They call me Tay Sachs. I leave 'em breathless.
2 comments:
Shit dude I feel u. My cuz bailed on the last 6months of my lease, so for 6mo my broke ass had 2 pay double rent and had money for zero else. You're in my prayers though. Hope things start lookin up and its great u got the ebt at least
My dude...that sounds shitty as hell. I'm sorry your life is going thru one of those rough spells. U'll get thru it tho...just tuck your head down and weather the storm. And I'm mad your ex is wyl'ing out cuz you were simply being human. What did she expect you to do? Wallow in loneliness forever?
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